Act or feel

Which is easier: To act your way into a new way of feeling or feel your way into a new way of acting?

Unintentional Healing in the Marketplace


Tell me something ….. during the normal course of the day, are you usually conscious of your breathing (inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide)? To the majority of people, the answer is no…..

What if our sheer presence in the midst of others had the same effect? What if in our ordinary, everyday, life (our interaction) produced healing in others unbeknownst to us?

This happened to me recently at a leadership training I was facilitating in Connecticut. As I greeted the attendees as they made their way into the hall I noticed this one elderly lady (Mary) limping, inching her way to the class, with a cane in her hand to maintain her balance. When she got to the registration table she said, “I sprained my ankle but nothing was going to stop me from attending this class.”

As I released the attendees for their first break I approached Mary and asked her, “do you mind if I secure you a wheelchair from the front desk of the hotel?” She immediately said “no thank you.” But after thinking of the pain she was experiencing she said, I am embarrassed, but I will like to get one.”

Fast forward to the end of the day,…….

Expecting her to be wheeled out of the room, to my amazement, I saw her beaming down the isle, walking towards me briskly, without the cane. She said to me, “You healed me.” I responded, “excuse me?” She repeated two more times, each time with a louder voice, “you healed me!”

I knew right then and there that it was the Love of God (flowing through me) who healed this lady. I was unaware and it was totally unintentional on my part.

Each day, we are given a window of opportunity to impact others lives. You may be surprised when you meet St. Peter, how many folks you have impacted from everyday, “ordinary” life..

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The Answer Is In The Question

never below you.jpg

Recently, someone asked me, Ray, “How do you deal with a person who use to be a manager, thinks he’s still a manager, when in fact he is under you.”

From the tone of the question I knew the person was genuinely seeking coaching and insight on a perceived personal matter. The tone also pointed out that the person was unknowingly and unintentionally being prejudicial to her employee.

There were a couple of clues in this question:

1) “How do you deal with a person…..”

Well, the issue is never the person. I know, I know, you’re going to say, what if the problem is the person? I contend, that the problem is NEVER the person. We just have to dig deep enough to tap into the root cause of the problem.

2) “……Thinks he’s still a manager”

What’s the downside in your employee thinking s/he is a manager? Wouldn’t that be a terrific place to leverage his/her managerial insight.

3) “……When in fact he is under me.”

Hold up!! Did you just say, “under you?” The late Myles Munroe once said, the only place where people are legitimately under you is at the cemetery. I shared with my colleague, “Could this be the root problem?” To which I received a deer head light response. I continued, “could the problem be your shaken confidence which has caused you to have a twisted view of reality, which has erroneously caused you to think, he think he is above you, when in fact he is neither above or below but beside you.”

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Own YOUR Genius

By Dr Ray Charles


Each one of us was born with a seed of Genius. Some of us bear witness to it, some of us don't. Unfortunately, because a large number of people don't, the term "Genius" have been relegated to a select few.

The truth of the matter is each one of us was born with his/her seed of greatness. That seed may be:

- The seed of Vision

- The seed of Influence

- The seed of Artistic Ability

- The seed of Creativity

- The seed of Articulation

- The seed of being a great teacher

- The seed of being a great politician

- The seed of being a great Business Woman

- The seed of WHATEVER!!!

Whatever your seed of greatness is, its intention was to share your gift with the world. In other words, Genius, from the beginning of time, was ALWAYS intended to be common for ALL.

The familiar Bible text (above) gives us a clue. The clue is in the word "took." The word took means, to own it."

You see, it's not enough to know you're a genius. You've got to own it!

Once we own it we can then sow it AND grow it in our field (engineering, accounting, medicine, law, clergy, etc). 

Then and only then we will unapologetically proclaim, #GeniusISCommon 

So is there something that you know intuitively that you have not yet owned? Whatever it is, the world awaits you. You're not late, and you're not're right on time.

Let's #DestroyTheLies of elitism. 

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Get RID of IT

It's been said,


But I say, if it really matters, get R.I.D. of IT.

What's your IT factor? Everyone has one. Some folks call it their sweet spot, their genius, their DNA (Distinct Natural Ability).

So I ask once more, What's your IT?

With that in mind, I am certain you do not want to get rid of IT, do you?

So by now, you may be open to the possibility that "Get R.I.D. of IT" is plausible, (it just depends on what the acronym R.I.D. means).

Consider the following:

R - Realizing your destiny

I - Identity Revealed

D- Dignity Restored

Do you agree that R.I.D. really matters, then:

get R.I.D. of IT

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Celebrate your Black History

Each one of us can look in the rear view mirror of life and observe a time where things were dark and nothing but God got you out of it. CELEBRATE THAT month (where God commanded the Light to shine out of your darkness).

No matter how dark things get, we can transform our environment with these four words:


As you celebrate your black history month, be vigilant for the energy vampires in your life. Those are people (like Job's "friends") who see you in the dark but instead of providing you positive energy, they suck (deplete) your energy, even more, with blame. Don't fall prey to this energy vampire. But first, don't be one.

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Each year, during the month of November, I usually get a them which goes from my head to my heart and eventually to my feet, where I walk it out in the following year. The theme I heard for 2018 was three words, "What Really Matters."

As I look into the rare view mirror of the past 5+ decades of my life, the thing that matters the most is RELATIONSHIPS. Not the Win, Not the Status, Not the material things. One thing ..... Relationship, with many layers:

  • Relationship with Self
  • Relationship with Loved Ones
  • Relationship with God
  • Relationship with Money
  • Relationship with Challenges
  • Relationship with Stakeholders
  • Relationship with our Enemies


 I can go on and on with that relationship list.

As long as we are alive, I believe it is the vital skill that we must master, and yet, it is the most commonly ignored. You see, our education system teaches us to be good practitioners in our craft (to do the thing right) but it did not equip us, to do the right thing. The latter is all about relationships. 

What's the one tool you are going to apply to build your relationship muscles?

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Design Build Your Life

Design Build.jpg

When you hear the phrase, “Design-Build Your Life” what immediately comes to mind?

From an academic and practical perspective a “Design-Build” professional would be someone who studied Architecture and Civil Engineering, or Architecture and Construction Management.

Such a professional is considered empowered. 

What do I mean?

Traditionally, an architect would design the building and then the client would:

(i) Use the construction drawings/document to bid out the project to construction companies

(ii) Select the best or lowest bidder to construct the building - the architect is the client’s representative during this phase to make sure the building is built according to the construction documents.

On the other hand, the design-built professional/company cuts out the middleman and serves as a one-stop shop for the client (often this professional can design and build the project for less than the first option), but also s/he is absorbing 100% liability vs liability distribution in the first option.

As you look at both options, which do you think most people take in the building phase of their lives? Unquestionably, option 1. Why? Two reasons:

(1) They believe that the “subject matter experts” know more about their future than their gut instinct. They architect their way (they start off being inspired) to "write the vision and make it plain," (the blueprint if you will) but then they transfer the construction management of their dreams and vision to the hottest and lowest bidder.

(2) They allow their culture and environment to build, and place a lid, on their lives (regardless of the level of success they have amassed.)

Think of the Great Pioneers (Steve Jobs, Sir Isaac Newton, Thomas Edison, etc) did they pass the baton after the design phase to someone else to steer the ship in the construction (prototyping, product development, building phase)? We all know the answer to that question. A resounding no. They stuck it out with grit and resilience. In the words of the poem, “Invictus,” they were the master of their fate, they were the captain of their soul.

Disclaimer: I am not making a claim for the lone ranger mentality, nor am I suggesting that one should not delegate or form strategic partnerships to support areas of weakness. But what I am suggesting is we ought to never lose the pulse of responsibility and accountability for the design and construction phases of our lives:

  • Professional Life

  • Relational Life

  • Emotional Life

  • Spiritual Life

  • Etc

When I hear the phrase, “Design-Build Your life” I hear, Noah, building the Ark from the design which he received from divine inspiration.

So, like Noah, have you apprehended (embraced) your cause; written your design; found yourself experiencing immense success, but just have not reconciled your success with your divinely inspired cause? If you answered yes to this question, for a limited time, I've decided to offer a sepecial one-on-one 30 Minute "Design Build Your Life" coaching session. During this session we will work together to create a clear vision for the key Design-Build milestones in your life.

Because I have limited slots, I will be randomly selecting 10 individuals. At this introductory session:

  • You will uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your life of fulfilment
  • You will identify your proverbial “You ARE here”
  • You will learn to build according to your Design
  • You will have a new awareness of what is causing many of the challenges in the build and or design phase of your life (Professional, Relational, Emotional, Spiritual)
  • You will have a renewed sense of energy about regaining focus on what really matters
  • You will leave with an action plan to not Just leave a legacy but to live your legacy
  • You will eliminate distractions and unnecessary tasks
  • You will develop grit and resilience to finish your course


To apply for your 30 minute "Design Build Your Life" coaching session simply complete the form below. In the subject area place #DBYL. In the message area share your success, share your cause (divine blueprint), and share the challenge you are experiencing in reconciling your design blue print with your build phase.


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